This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
