I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
