That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We're too hungover to prance.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
