dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
