yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
