just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I still have a little drunk in my system
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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