It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize