So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
