Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
