just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
