Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He passed out mid-signature
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
