I seem to have left my pride at pride
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
