Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
