Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
