On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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