she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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