well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
