I faked an abortion last night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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