Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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