how do flat chested girls get laid?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
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