Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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