Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
