Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
