Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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