I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
