Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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