I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Two words: blizzard sex
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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