Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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