the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
