i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
