I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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