So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
