If i come over, it means nothing
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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