my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
