summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
