PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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