Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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