I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
