i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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