Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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