theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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