i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
