I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
