Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
