He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
