summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
