i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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