Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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