Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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