Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
