Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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