If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize