It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sorry about my life...
Pants are for mortals
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
