You're my little dorito
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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