somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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