I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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