new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
