how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize