How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
