It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
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Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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