I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
