We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
